Sneaky Little Thing

So. Here's the thing I don't get: men sneaking around behind their partner's backs. And I'm not talking about men sneaking around to sleep with other women. Because that's just plain cheating in anyone's books, even if the relationship is as open as Paris Hilton's legs.

I mean things like smoking behind your partner's back, lying about going for a drink with your close friends of the opposite sex (and I'm not talking about 'special friends'), telling her you're going for a 'work function' when you're really going to the strip club with the boys. That kind of sneaking around.

I remember having a conversation with Justin on this topic quite awhile ago. It went something along these lines.

"Why do some men feel that they have to sneak around behind their girlfriends' backs, or lie about something that they've done?"

"Because sometimes, it's better for you not to know. And as much as they say 'honesty is the best policy', you women don't appreciate it when we tell you the truth. We still get into deep shit for it. If a woman told a man about something he had done, he would appreciate her honesty. Women get pissed if you tell them. And they get pissed if you don't. So might as well not tell her."

"Well, would you tell me if you did something?"

"Would you want to know?"

"Of course I would want to know."

"What if you can't handle the truth?"

"Then it's probably something you shouldn't have done in the first place."
"Good point."

I don't think some people realise the simple truth. Sneaking is cheating. If you're hiding something, you're probably hiding it for a reason. You'll probably say, you're protecting her by not telling her, but really, you're just protecting your own balls. Although, in situations like this, I'd say you don't have any, or probably don't deserve to have any.

I'm not saying you should have your balls (I seem to be liking that word today) chained to your woman, unless bondage is your thing. In which case, go all out. But, have enough respect for her to not sneak around behind her back. Aren't relationships about compromise? Of course, when a woman says "Let's compromise", she really means, "It's my way, or you can join the Rascal Flatts on the highway." Jokes aside, if it's something that can't be compromised, then she probably has a good reason for it. Unless she's as reasonable as Naomi Campbell on cocaine, in which case, you should just make your life easier and dump her ass anyway.

If you respect her and care enough about her feelings, whatever it is you're sneaking around for probably isn't worth risking the relationship. So before you embark on your misadventures, just think, is one night of fun worth two weeks of hell? You'd be lucky if it only lasted two weeks, really. The silent treatment, plate-throwing, death stares, abrupt outbursts of emotions, knife-sharpening. And then you wonder why you've got the runs after eating that scrumptious stew she just made for you.

Sure, we women do our fair share of sneaking around. We don't tell you how much we REALLY spent shopping online at Asos. Or that we weren't really just having coffee, but come on, Sass & Bide clearance sale? Hellooooo? See. The difference with our sneaking around is, it just breaks the bank. Not a relationship. Well, unless we max out all your credit cards, and you find that your savings account went from five zeros to one because we just haaaad to have that Hermés Birkin bag. That would break any normal middle-income relationship.

The topic of strip clubs came up in conversation with a couple of girl friends. They said they don't mind their partners going to the strip club. I was surprised and intrigued. I'm selfish like that. My man belongs to me, his eyes belong on me, and his ermm... belongs in me. If I wanted to share, I'd make him a gigolo and take 30%.

So I asked, "How is it that you don't mind your men going to the strip clubs?" They said their men belong to the small minority who don't see the point in it. That's not to say that they don't like it. They're just not that keen on it.

Which got me thinking. It's true. I didn't mind the idea of my exes going to the strip club, because I knew it just wasn't really their thing. One of the girls then quipped, "Actually, that's true. I didn't like my ex going to the strip club because he was the type who liked it."

And I realised, it's not about the strip club, it's about the intentions. Kind of like how you wouldn't mind giving your wife your credit card if you knew she hates shopping, but you wouldn't let her hold it for a second if she was anything like, well, me.

Sadly, I know a few guys who sneak out to the strip club without the knowledge of their partners. Truthfully, I find it grotesquely disrespectful. Not because they're going to the strip club, but because they're doing it with the knowledge that it would upset and hurt their partner. That's basically saying, "You are the sun, the moon, the light of my life, but naked chicks are more important to me than you, my love."

Bottom line. Russell Peter's got the right idea. "Be a man. Do the right thing." If you're sneakin', you're cheatin'.

Public Love

Why is it that it's acceptable to publicly display anger, hate, disappointment, dissent, and other similar emotions, yet some find it inappropriate to publicly display love? Correction: romantic love. And when I say publicly declare, in this context, I mean your choice of social media weapons; Facebook, Twitter, Bebo, MySpace, Friendster (is that still going?), you get the picture.

It's cute to publicly declare love for your niece / nephew / godson / goddaughter / little cousin / any other being who doesn't yet know what a penis can really do.

It's heartwarming to publicly declare love for your grandparents / parents / aunts / uncles / other family members who will fill up the seats at your wedding, regardless of whether you want them there or not.

It's sweet to publicly declare love for your immediate family and close friends.

It's nauseating to publicly declare love for your other half. The exception here is if you just got engaged, married or are speaking at your wedding itself.

Is romantic love something we should all hide, like underwear, only to be revealed behind closed doors? Is love purer if kept between two people, undiluted by the perception of others? I certainly don't think so. Perhaps, it is because it makes others feel excluded, that they cannot or should not comment on your declaration of love. Hence, it's deemed an anti-social action in social media. I'm just trying to dissect the possibilities here.

The hidden romantic in me believes that love is something that should be celebrated, and if you are lucky enough to have found it, then hell, why not shout about it? You gloat shamelessly when your team puts a ball in the net. So why not gloat shamelessly about your happiness?

Because before you found this happiness, you bet your ass you went through a lot of shit to get there. The heartbreaks, tears, unsent letters you wrote but didn't have the guts to send, the jealousy, the developments of stalking skills equivalent of a PI, the bi-polar moments of "I hate you, fucktard!" to "Why did you leave me?", the "Let's just be friends. It's not you, it's me. No, wait. It's you, not me. Haha." Okay, I'm going off tangent here. That didn't really happen. I'm just sayin'...

So why do we sometimes feel the impulse to publish love notes on Facebook? It's simple.

When a guy does it, to put it simply, he's saying, "I want the world to know I am yours and I don't mind other women knowing."

When a girl does it, to put it simply, she's saying, "I want the world to know you are mine, and mine only. Stay away bitches."

Okay. So maybe all that 'let's celebrate love' was just bullshit. No, but seriously. It's just another way to make your other half feel appreciated and loved, and being claimed under their 'territory' is like a signboard that says, "You belong here." And that's why we search the world over for that perfect partner, no? That sense of belonging, with the person we can look at and feel like you're home.

Catching Up With Myself

I hate saying this, because it makes me feel so old, but boy, has time flown by! It's already been nearly three months since I hauled my ass over to the Land of the Long White Cloud, also known as Auckland.

So a brief breakdown of the last three months:
- Hauled 124kg of my life to Auckland
- Invaded the apartment and took over like a mutating virus
- Started working part-time at Massey University
- Went on a dolphin & whale tour
- Training to be a 'tai tai'

Not exactly the most fulfilling three months. I do not recommend putting yourself into unemployment.

I've had a few people ask, "So how do you like Auckland?" Hmm. I try to be fairly diplomatic when answering this question (to avoid having feijoas thrown in my face) and say, "It's alright." And that's the truth. It's alright. To put into comparison for the Aussies, it's comparable to Adelaide.

I'm adjusting to not having trams, and have yet to learn to take buses; it proves to be a challenge when you're as directionally retarded as I am. I mean, firstly, you need to know how to get to the bus stop. Then, you need to know which direction to take it in. Then, there's having to know where to stop.

Only now do I realise how spoiled we are in Melbourne; everything you could possibly need is in the city - shopping, diverse range of awesome food, bars and cafes every third shop you walk by, clubs, supermarkets, Coles Express, Myers, David Jones, Big W, Target, Asian groceries, Chinatown! I miss having a Chinatown!

One other thing - almost everything is more expensive, especially groceries except mussels (it's crazy cheap!). I feel a stab in the heart every time I look at the price of cheese,vegetables, milk, etc.

But, Auckland does have it's pros. I've found the Kiwis to be friendlier. The landscape is so much greener and prettier. NZ oysters are way more awesome! Angus Steak House is definitely worth a mention, if you crave a chunk of delicious steak. And well, I'm looking forward to exploring more of the NZ, and not to mention, experience powder snow!

So yeah, it's alright.  =)

Trust No One

Not even yourself.

Trust. A simple word. A simple concept. And yet, possibly the most complex moral code.

To be continued...

bye bye 2010!

time is such a relative thing. how does one measure time? the standard practice is to measure by seconds and minutes. but sometimes, i think we should measure time by circumstance.

for example, five minutes is an eternally long time when you're waiting to find out if your loved one is going to live or die. a week is an excruciating time to be away from your lover. two months is too short when you're travelling the world. three years is a blink of an eye when you watch your children grow up.

this year has gone by devastatingly fast, and yet, a lot has changed in these short twelve months. i went from a freelancer to employed to being unemployed. i've moved countries (again), left a relationship for a new one, learnt so many things from so many people. and yet, i still feel like time is secretly cheating me and it's really only April.

the shit thing about time is, once it's gone you never get it back. where's that damn rewind button? there are many things we all wish we had done differently, but hey... suck it up, move on and look forward to the future, i say!

here are some of the good memories i've had in 2010.

TY's birthday

Lucideas 'creative getaway' @ Serendah

Cameron Highlands with a few K.A.R.A.T.S.

reunion of the DFSes

a Lucid birthday

Lucid welcomes, birthdays & farewells

got chocolate?

one of my long standing buddies - Su

my lovely Yayas - Kha Yen & Bass

more Yayas - Charlotte & Lynne

ATV quad biking with mummy dearest

celebrating my birthday with my other DFS

birthday dancing

rekindling 15 yrs of chemistry with Justin

my cyber lesbian lover - eunice

photoshoot with my whacky family

roadtrip to Rotorua & Taupo in NZ

part of working at Lucideas

the Directors plotting strategy in a Lucid water fight

i'll be ushering the new year to the groove of armin van buuren. see you all next year!! have an awesome one.

is there such thing as a simple life?

life is only as complicated as you allow it to be.

that's a bold statement, isn't it? how many of us can honestly claim to not have a complicated life? i, for one, was born into the world with complications. from having a hole in my heart (not an uncommon defect in newborn babies), to my parents arguing over my roman name and not registering it, which has resulted in a lot of minor inconveniences throughout my life.

not to mention the rest of it: divorced parents, multiple step-parents, being thrown around from house to house whilst growing up, not knowing how to address my mother whenever she came back from the other side of the world, growing up with a minor identity crisis, so on and so forth. (i'm really making it out to sound worse than it really was.)

so, it's only natural that the rest of my life is abounded with complications. and i think it explains why i constantly feel the need for change. which, brings me to this new look for my blog, but not the topic of this post. i digress.

i had conversations with a couple of people regarding the simple life. can we do it? by the simple life, i mean living in a world with minimal materialism. imagine life on a farm, or on an island. getting by on a day-to-day job with no worries of how to get a pay rise and that next promotion. taking pleasures in the simple things in life like having a stroll in the park or spending your day out in the garden.

for those of us who have had a taste of the luxury life, it's not so easy. but i don't believe it can't be done. i did, after all, spend some formative years on kangaroo island and believe me, there's not much to be materialistic about over there except how many acres of farmland you've got.

things are a lot less complicated there. until you find out your father is screwing your best mate's mother.

i shall continually strive for that elusive life free of complications. one step at a time. there are still so many steps to go.

the transitional year

it's been so long since i last wrote here, i could barely remember my own blog address. kind of like how i never lived in my own house, i had to store my address under 'Notes' in my phone. kind of says something, doesn't it? what exactly that is, i have no clue.

so here we are. the year twenty ten.

seven years ago, i had this whole ten-year plan drawn up with angela, also affectionately known as 'pole'. don't ask why... it's so lame it's not even worth wasting effort in explaining. if things had gone according to plan, by now i would have:

- taught english in japan
- taught english in dubai
- saved up AU$ 80,000
- gone backpacking
- created a fashion line

the closest i've gotten to the first and second is doing creative work for British Council. the closest i've gotten to goal point number three would most likely be on Facebook Texas Hold'em. traipsing around South East Asia for 4D @N holidays is pretty much the closest i've come to backpacking. and as for creating a fashion line, i just trekked down with Su down to the clothing wholesalers in Pudu, bought a whole bunch of stuff and sold it off online for not much at all.

so, i guess what i'm trying to say is, i really have not accomplished all the things i thought i would in my fairly realistic ten year plan. this is the part where i go, "oh, shit."

admittedly, the last three and a half years were never anything in my mind but 'temporary'. now that the time is nearing when i need to ship my ass back to the land down under, anxiety is starting to creep in because the time for me to start building a real life is looming up ahead.

but whoever said you had to live life permanently? certainly not Kris Allen as he's being killed by local radio stations singing 'Live Like We're Dying'.

i digress. this entire rambling of a post was just simply about me saying, "shit. i'm twenty-seven this year and i need to get my life on track." the part i have yet to figure out is, what does getting my life on track mean, exactly?

right now, i'm simply aiming to get to Europe before i hit the big three-oh. which right now, means working like an illegal immigrant in search of a better life.

stormy weather up ahead

life is full of surprises. people are full of surprises.

sometimes, i think these surprises are meant to keep you on your toes. to remind you not to take things for granted. put a little threat to a perfectly stable situation and suddenly everyone realises, nothing is as stable as they think.

the person i have always looked up to, for all his values and principles, surprised me. it made me realise, no one is immune to temptations in life. and no one truly knows what they are capable of.

one wrong turn can affect so many people's lives. the storm is now brewing.
pic from arwensgrace

it saddens me to think that the one stable part of my very unstable life, could now vanish. then, i will regret not having spent more time with them.

please don't ask me what i am referring to. i am not at liberty to disclose anything. i am purely putting down my thoughts and emotions here.

remember. sometimes, love is not enough.

the token reflection

i can't believe christmas is over already and tomorrow is new year's eve! i get this feeling that the days are getting shorter and none of those astrological scientists watchama-call-its realise it yet.

so. what have i done in 2008? not a whole lot unfortunately. it was a fairly placid, and not to mention, very broke year for me.

2008 summary:

1. went to krabi, bangkok, cameron highlands, penang, melaka & singapore
2. jumped industries from advertising to fashion
3. lived through most of the year without a functional computer
4. swapped from a PC to my Macbook Pro
5. learnt to play gin rummy mahjong
6. freeloaded and went for MTV Asia Awards, X Live & Panic at the Disco
7. cut my hair short after 9 years of long hair
8. i voted!
9. finally started to drive in malaysia!
   

things i wanted to achieve in 2008 but didn't:

1. start saving money (this always tops the list every year)
2. earn more moolah
3. make more handmade stuff - jewellery, cards, scrapbook, etc.
4. improve my sense of direction (that's a lost cause!)
5. travel travel travel (broke broke broke)
6. experience the big 'O'
7. start kickboxing again (michael's given up all hope on that)
   

things i want to achieve in two-oh-oh-nine:

1. save money!! (haha)
2. earn more money
3. re-learn web design
   
4. take up pole dancing
5. experience the big 'O' (i'm going to die not knowing what it's all about!)
6. travel travel travel
7. do more creative stuff

it's a little depressing to think that i may be the only one who doesn't have any plans for new year's eve. hopefully a miracle will present itself soon and save the day.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

what happens now?

"do you really know the person you're sleeping with?" carrie bradshaw posed this question.

what happens when the person you thought you knew inside out, suddenly shows a side of them that makes you take a step back and realise, you don't know them as well as you thought?

what happens when the person you've been building your dreams/future with, becomes the person who tears them apart?

what happens when you realise this person has become your best friend, confidante, your entire world, and you have no one else to turn to? your friends are his friends. your home is his home. your safe place is him.

what happens when you realise you have crossed way over your side and you've lost your way back? it becomes a one-sided relationship.

so what happens when doubt begins to eat inside of you and you wonder if you've given up far too much to let go now, and yet, you wonder if you should?

and yet, all he can do is get angry when you raise your issue.

so what happens now?

you repress your emotions and stay. because if you leave, you know he won't hurt as much as you will.

dead romance & design wonders

why do i feel like we're drifting apart although everything is still the same?

perhaps it is because he no longer has 'that look' as often as he used to. or is it because of the lack of cuddles that used to make me feel so appreciated? it could also be the signs of him wanting to be single every now and then. and certainly no more whispers of sweet nothings.

i know, it's almost inevitable for all this to happen as a relationship progresses towards the stale end of the scale, but i don't like it and i refuse to accept it. just like how i refuse to accept that my metabolism is starting to slow down and i need to start exercising.

lesson number one on marriage:
his mum once said to me (in her cute nyonya accent), "marriage is not about love love thing. it is about keeping each other company until you're old. even though we fight everyday about small small things, i know he is a good person."

but the thing is, i WANT that "love love thing". i want it to be the forever, ever ever (ala outkast) thing. who doesn't?

it is because of this, i don't think i'm very good with keeping long relationships. i refuse to grow stale. i want passion throughout, not obligations. perhaps, i really am going to be an old spinster with 14 cats as someone once told me.

oh joy.
____________________

i love looking at interiors. here's some i drool over.

BATHROOM






BEDROOM


love the colour scheme of this bedroom. contemporary shabby chic with a vintage feel.


here's a reason to never get out of bed. a HD plasma tv embedded into your bed. now all you need is a bell to call for food!



another reason to sleep all day. in your very own rocking bed!! i'm so deep in love with this bed.



simple yet curvy in the right places.

D-A-wat? P-K-wat? P-A-wat?

i have a confession to make.

to those who know me, it may come across as a shock and some of you may even shake your heads in disbelief. so, here goes...

I VOTED!!

okay. you can close your mouths now. you can blink too.

everybody knows how utterly clueless i am when it comes to politics. and i have noticed that i am not the only one. many people in my generation haven't got a clue about what's going on behind the curtains in the world of politics.

and because of this, a majority of us don't bother voting because we haven't got a clue who we should be handing our futures to. it's like choosing between giving ourselves over to slavery or prostitution. which, in fact, isn't really all so different from giving ourselves over to politicians, innit?

i admit, i wouldn't have taken the initiative to register myself and certainly would have adopted the common thought of "why bother? nothing's going to change anyway," if it hadn't been for an accidental discovery.

i didn't register myself. but i was registered.

the word "phantom voter" echoes through the air.

so instead of letting them use me, i decided to use the opportunity and turn the knife around.

over the last couple of weeks, i realised how bleak the future looked for our generation. less than one third of the people i know actually said they were voting.

imagine. less than one third. i've been told that the statistics are something along the lines of:

population : 27 million
registered voters : 11 million
submitted votes : 8 million

don't quote me on that. but it's an indication of how much we could change the system if everyone DID put their one measly vote in.

so that's what i did. and i'm proud of it.

driving phobia

everyone who knows me, knows i don't drive. or try very hard not to.

the thought of it stresses me out and i start to feel anxious. i wondered if it could be classified as a phobia, and if there was such thing as a driving phobia. there's phobias for everything these days.

so i googled 'driving phobia'.

• You have the fear that you may lose control and cause an accident YUP

• You are afraid to drive on congested town roads YUP

• The fear is so intense that you become confused and fail to take the correct action HASN'T HAPPENED YET
  

• You avoid driving in heavy traffic areas YUP

• You don’t feel like driving in poor weather conditions YUP

• You avoid joining motorways YUP

• You are completely tensed while you are about to approach junctions, roundabouts and the vistas of numerous lanes YUP
  

• You don’t want to go out of the house and make excuses for not driving OH DEFINITELY YES
  

• While you drive, you feel tremendously anxious and uncomfortable YUP

i remember when we were teenagers and all my friends were dying to get their license so they could drive around on their own. i was never one of them. the longer i didn't have to drive, the better.

six years after taking my driving test, and i'm still a useless driver.

i think, if i don't die of a heart attack due to high cholesterol, i'll probably die in a car crash. worse still, is if i don't die and survive an accident with permanent brain damage.

aren't i just full of sunshine?

digital flasher

a few mornings ago, i logged into msn. Ons messaged me.

ons: guess what happened?
me: what?
ons: i added someone on msn and it was this guy. he said he was gay and he turned on his webcam and showed me his giant albino snake (eg. cock)
me: hahaha serves you right. who asked you to simply add people?
ons: i thought it might be a hot chick ma...
me: -_- idiot

so. beware who you add on msn, people. we don't just have to worry about flashers on the street anymore. we now have new age flashers.

the digital flashers.

fortunately, we can avoid this from happening by adding only people you are SURE you know. too bad we can't hit a delete button for all the dodgy people we see on the streets. hmmm... then again. alot of my friends might go missing then. =p

i made it alive

i am still alive after that 10km walk albeit rather sore.

- my hips groan with every movement, complaining about how much i strained them. lazy buggers.
- my butt squeals in pain every time i try to sit, stand or climb stairs.
- my knees reprimand me with every step i take.


so. the question is... will i ever do it again? the answer is...

like the coupling's theme song says, "perhaps... perhaps... perhaps."

and if i do, next time i'll make sure i'm more prepared for it.

it makes me sick

edit: i have taken off the video due to concerns of me being subject to the ISA. because we live in a free country that is only free for the rich, powerful and corrupted.

"The Internal Security Act 1960 (ISA) is a preventive detention law in force in Malaysia."

"The ISA has been consistently used against people who criticise the government and defend human rights. Known as the "white terror", it has been the most feared and despised, yet convenient tool for the state to suppress opposition and open debate. The Act is an instrument maintained by the ruling government to control public life and civil society." - Wikipedia
________________

do not watch this if you have a weak stomach. it's almost like watching passions of the christ to a lesser extent.

i am traumatised. i can only imagine how this guy managed to walk after all that. *shudder* you would hope he'll learn his lesson. i don't think they mentioned his crimes.

i find this kind of corporal punishment so medieval. in this day and age, you would think we would find other ways to teach law breakers a lesson. but as we all know, "malaysia boleh!" anything goes in this country.

banning the pussycat dolls for improper dressing and stage behaviour is just so silly compared to inflicting pain upon another human being. don't you think our country's views on morality is just a little skewed?

yeah. i find more and more reasons to leave this country.

DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DADADADADA!!

anyone care to hazard a guess as to what song that is?

i guarantee you'll know it. unless you passed your mid-life crisis twenty years ago. in which case, you wouldn't be reading this anyway.

alvin and i went to the premiere of the simpsons last night. my rating? one star.

to be fair, i've never been a simpsons fan, simply because i find it can be mildly offensive to the intellect. not that i claim to be a highly intellectual person, but lame american humour just rubs me the wrong way. it irritates me more than anything else.

so then, why one star? i give one star as credit to the maker's wild imagination and ability to create a (weak) story out of a whole series of random nonsense.

the group of people behind me were obviously simpson fans. they laughed at everything as though they had never seen anything funnier in their lives. it wasn't the "hur hur" chuckle. it was more like...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *pause for breath* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

alvin and i looked at each other in amusement, eyebrows raised. i guess there are people who appreciate lame humour, after all.