Random Friday

Do you ever ponder over how the weather has the ability to affect us so? While the wind is howling outside, whipping tree branches mercilessly, and the rain lashes in the face of the determined or those without a choice (suckers!), all I want to do is stay in bed all day with a hot mug of hot chocolate, someone to cuddle to and a good movie / book. The thought of trying to do any more than that just seems like too much effort.

There was absolutely no point to that entire paragraph. If you did not notice, this post is titled Random Friday, for a reason.

While soothing my cold body with warm, spicy kimchi soup during lunch with Justin, I was telling him how my record of Vietnamese 'pho' demolition in a day was five bowls. He gave me this look:  -___-"

"What?? That was in a whole day, okay. From 12pm - 8pm. Five bowls isn't thaaat much..."

"Mmmm." o_O

"It's not!"

"Mmmm."  -__-

Okay, to be honest, it was more like between 2pm to 8pm, but whatever. Minor details. Pfffft.

Menstrual Monday

Why do people find the idea of growing old together a romantic notion?

If you really sit down to think about it, it's like having bare-butt sex on the beach. The idea of it sends thrills down your spine. But the practicality of the situation is a far cry from what you visualise in your head. No matter how careful you are about it, sand has this magical ability to get into all the places it doesn't belong. When you're shitting sand, you'll wonder what on earth possessed you into doing it in the first place. (I'm simply describing what I imagine it to be like, but of course, now that I've said that, you're going to be even more convinced I'm speaking from experience.)

If you didn't get my elusive metaphor (okay, I kind of suck at those), sex on the beach represents the union (no shit), and sand represents all the little problems that eventually get under your skin and turn out to be one irritating level of hell.

But romanticism has no place in a world of ration and logic. And so, we continue to ignore the reality of marriage and delude ourselves into believing in that goddamned concept of 'happily ever after'. Thanks, Disney. Really. You are possibly the cause of half the divorces in this world. I mean, how will men ever live up to my expectations of a chivalrous prince on his white horse (in this case, a white Fairlady for me), fighting dragons to save me, and all trials and tribulations ending when the princess says, "I do." Then it's all rainbows and talking animals celebrating. Okay. That part, I can get over.

Thinking about it now, I guess now I know why fairy tales all end when the protagonist couple gets married. No one wants to know what happens after that. A wrinkly old princess croaking, "Who is that?" and her senile old prince - hard of hearing - shouting "FOR THE LAST TIME, YES, YOU'RE AS FAT AS YOUR MOTHER WAS!" And then, the fight started.


Having said all that, I still remain a romantic at heart. So when Justin says things like, "I want to grow old with you", the 27 year old in me disappears, leaving a giggly schoolgirl still caught up in fairy tales going, "Awww." Melt. Giggle. Blush. All that disgusting range of emotions that make people want to reach for a bucket and empty their lunch into. Because, deep down, I still hope that fairy tales weren't entirely made up. And I am now a firm believer in 'The One'.

Lisha's Good Food Guide

No. I am sorry. I am not about to post up a whole list of recommended places to eat. I'm not feeling that selfless today. Instead, I'm talking about me. After all, this whole thing is about me, isn't it?

Every now and then, I get people asking me about my strange and complex food preferences. So I decided to have a little think of it, and came up with a little guideline for my psychoanal tastebuds.

Chilli Queen
I believe tabasco, chili and sambal are gods of their own. Rarely do I eat a meal that does not involve me adding some form of chili to it.

1. Oysters are almost never to be eaten without tabasco.
2. Neither should pasta and pizza. So, shoot me, Italiano. You say, "That is an insult!" I say, "Franculo."
3. Sambal belacan is a must for all forms of fried rice, even if it's belacan fried rice or tom yum fried rice.
4. Soup noodles must be accompanied by some form of chili, and it has to be the right kind of chili. Don't give me pickled green chili for 'pan mee'. I keeel you.

Fish Are Your Friends. Not Food.
When people ask, "Do you eat fish?", I find this difficult to answer. I generally go with, "Only if it's not fishy." This section ties in closely with the above.

1. Deep fried fish is generally okay, especially when there's chili or sambal to accompany it. Fish & chips are an exception - tartare sauce is accepted.
2. Steamed fish really depends on the sauce, but no matter how awesome, still requires fresh cut chili to go with it.
3. Raw fish is A-okay, with wasabi, of course.
4. Anything made of fish (fish cake, fish noodles, fish balls, fish paste, what-the-fish) can go into the next bowl, thank you. For this reason, steamboats are not a particular favourite of mine unless I get to order additional meat.

Condimental Meals
I believe:

1. Fries should go with chili sauce, or aioli sauce. Mayonnaise just doesn't cut it.
2. Laksa should always have a squeeze of lime.
3. Nasi lemak should only be wrapped in a packet, not served on a plate or packed in a styrofoam box. What's with that? Did you run out of banana leaves? Grow more trees, goddammit!
4. Pies and pasties can't be eaten without tomato sauce. I'm Aussie like that, I apologise.
5. You can't have chocolate mud cake or a brownie without some ice-cream or cream. I go for both because I'm an unabashed glutton.

Sweet & Savoury
I am simple. Your main course is meant to be savoury, and dessert is meant to be sweet. Don't screw with the simplicity of that.

1. Sweet & sour. One word - gross.
2. Savoury pancakes & crepes is something I have yet to be able to bring myself to order. It just seems so unnatural. It's like a chimpanzee trying to be a house cat - confused.
3. Cheese platters as dessert is something I have yet to comprehend. It's like rolling me in mud, and then giving me a mud bar to wash it off. It doesn't make sense.

That's just a little preview. I love my food, and I am not afraid to love it a certain way. Fusspot, I am. But I promise I won't pull out a gun on you if things don't go my way. It'd be too heavy in my purse, anyway.

bye bye 2010!

time is such a relative thing. how does one measure time? the standard practice is to measure by seconds and minutes. but sometimes, i think we should measure time by circumstance.

for example, five minutes is an eternally long time when you're waiting to find out if your loved one is going to live or die. a week is an excruciating time to be away from your lover. two months is too short when you're travelling the world. three years is a blink of an eye when you watch your children grow up.

this year has gone by devastatingly fast, and yet, a lot has changed in these short twelve months. i went from a freelancer to employed to being unemployed. i've moved countries (again), left a relationship for a new one, learnt so many things from so many people. and yet, i still feel like time is secretly cheating me and it's really only April.

the shit thing about time is, once it's gone you never get it back. where's that damn rewind button? there are many things we all wish we had done differently, but hey... suck it up, move on and look forward to the future, i say!

here are some of the good memories i've had in 2010.

TY's birthday

Lucideas 'creative getaway' @ Serendah

Cameron Highlands with a few K.A.R.A.T.S.

reunion of the DFSes

a Lucid birthday

Lucid welcomes, birthdays & farewells

got chocolate?

one of my long standing buddies - Su

my lovely Yayas - Kha Yen & Bass

more Yayas - Charlotte & Lynne

ATV quad biking with mummy dearest

celebrating my birthday with my other DFS

birthday dancing

rekindling 15 yrs of chemistry with Justin

my cyber lesbian lover - eunice

photoshoot with my whacky family

roadtrip to Rotorua & Taupo in NZ

part of working at Lucideas

the Directors plotting strategy in a Lucid water fight

i'll be ushering the new year to the groove of armin van buuren. see you all next year!! have an awesome one.

the stag night trap

most men see their stag night as their last taste of freedom before getting married. kind of like a man on death penalty getting his last wish. personally, i think most men believe it's a get-out-of-jail-free card to cheat.

this goes back to my post about 'the sum of men and alcohol'. give a man a load of booze, get his testosterone raging, throw some strippers / hookers into the picture and you can imagine what's likely to happen. men think we're unreasonable when we say we don't approve of strippers in the picture. i quote a friend, "well, you've already paid for their services. might as well use them! there are only two men they will screw. the one who knows the strippers, and the groom-to-be." and you wonder why women have no faith in men.

it's not so much the fact that there are naked women shoving their tits in your face, rubbing their vajayjays in your face and putting your hands on their bodies. okay, i lie. it kind of is. but what is more disturbing are the possibilities of things going beyond that. this is when 'bros' make a sacred pact to never reveal anything to the hen and her counterparts.

the only reason men ever tell their soon-to-be wives they can go wild and have as much fun as they want, is because they want the ticket to do the same. only difference is, men are more likely to go way over the line. chances are, a woman's 'wild night out' probably involves a male stripper dressed unconvincingly as a police officer and swinging his schlong in her face (which, trust me, does not quite evoke the same response as tits in a man's face) and running around town being picked up by random men. and that's really about it.

a little fun doesn't hurt, and we understand that. hell, we aren't going to be absolute angels on our hen's night either. but don't forget, boys. while you're enjoying another woman's body, you're disrespecting the woman you have asked to put up with you for the rest of her life. and when you're suffering from erectile dysfunction, she's the one who will still be there for you (you'd hope, anyway).

my advice? don't start a marriage built on a lie. and don't do anything you'd have to lie about. if you do, don't be stupid enough to go on 'Stag: A Test of Love".

side note: i'm really not on a man-attacking rampage, though it might seem like it. you can blame Dexter for this post. the scene of his stag night got me thinking and brought out the raging feminist in me.

the sum of men and alcohol

maths has never been my forte, as most would know. however, i am fairly certain this is one equation i  can formulate.

men + alcohol = horny and stupid

this makes a very dangerous combination, indeed. especially when they claim loss of memory and ignorance. who's to say they have not been out traipsing around with night tramps, only to conveniently forget?

i had a friend who was told by The Tramp's best friend, that her beau had made-out with said tramp. he insisted he had done no such thing. so confident was he, that he called up The Tramp and put her on speakerphone to clarify the situation. unfortunately for him, The Tramp merely confirmed that in his drunken state, they did in fact, make-out. true story.

my argument is, sure you can claim memory loss. with the amount of alcohol you stupidly consume, there's bound to be some brain damage going on. however, no amount of arguing could possibly justify your actions for this one fact: even in your drunken stupor, you know exactly what your doing.

so don't you say, "if i can't remember, it doesn't count." it sure as hell does, buddy, because we'll remember for the rest of our waking lives, and we'll make sure you don't forget it either.

someone once said to me, the reason why he drinks til he's wasted in his girlfriend's absence, was to ensure he went past the stage of 'tipsy & horny', straight to 'i-can't-get-it-up-even-if-i-wanted-to'. on some strange level, that is somewhat endearing. unfortunately, that won't stop you from tongue raping a willing volunteer should the opportunity arise.

they say a drunk man is an honest man. they forget to mention, they also become prone to acts of stupidity like say, urinating on post boxes in broad daylight. it seemed like a great idea at the time, until they got arrested. again, this is a true story. i have great friends.

put that stupidity with the horny factor in their intoxicated state, and you get men using their penises as a GPS. and trust me, this GPS isn't leading the way back home. lesson to be learned? nothing good comes out of being stupid and horny. so drink less, wank more.

if only maths in school was this interesting. i would have paid a lot more attention.

more than a handful is a waste

that's what men tell women with small boobs as consolation.

do you think our brains match the size of our boobs? we know darn well you don't really mean that. it's like women telling men, "it's not about the size of the wave, it's about the motion in the ocean." we're consoling you.

we have no delusions about men preferring small breasts over larger ones. there is no such man. and if he says he does, he's lying. the only exception to this is, when a woman's breasts are so large, they sag like overripe jackfruit, point in opposite directions and have nipples the size of my face. only then, can you believe a man when he says he'd prefer smaller breasts to these gargantuan mutations.

some may argue that shape trumps size. i'm still not entirely convinced. i mean, unless the boobs in mention are seriously defected. really? you'd give up the possibility of a titty fuck just so you can appreciate the shape? they're tits, not art.

so please, do not attempt to console us with lines like, "more than a handful is a waste." just tell us how great our ass is, instead. at the end of the day, chris rock is right. "There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments."

a friend once said to me, "the key to being a successful womaniser is, to make every woman feel like she's the most special woman in the world." true story.

the transitional year

it's been so long since i last wrote here, i could barely remember my own blog address. kind of like how i never lived in my own house, i had to store my address under 'Notes' in my phone. kind of says something, doesn't it? what exactly that is, i have no clue.

so here we are. the year twenty ten.

seven years ago, i had this whole ten-year plan drawn up with angela, also affectionately known as 'pole'. don't ask why... it's so lame it's not even worth wasting effort in explaining. if things had gone according to plan, by now i would have:

- taught english in japan
- taught english in dubai
- saved up AU$ 80,000
- gone backpacking
- created a fashion line

the closest i've gotten to the first and second is doing creative work for British Council. the closest i've gotten to goal point number three would most likely be on Facebook Texas Hold'em. traipsing around South East Asia for 4D @N holidays is pretty much the closest i've come to backpacking. and as for creating a fashion line, i just trekked down with Su down to the clothing wholesalers in Pudu, bought a whole bunch of stuff and sold it off online for not much at all.

so, i guess what i'm trying to say is, i really have not accomplished all the things i thought i would in my fairly realistic ten year plan. this is the part where i go, "oh, shit."

admittedly, the last three and a half years were never anything in my mind but 'temporary'. now that the time is nearing when i need to ship my ass back to the land down under, anxiety is starting to creep in because the time for me to start building a real life is looming up ahead.

but whoever said you had to live life permanently? certainly not Kris Allen as he's being killed by local radio stations singing 'Live Like We're Dying'.

i digress. this entire rambling of a post was just simply about me saying, "shit. i'm twenty-seven this year and i need to get my life on track." the part i have yet to figure out is, what does getting my life on track mean, exactly?

right now, i'm simply aiming to get to Europe before i hit the big three-oh. which right now, means working like an illegal immigrant in search of a better life.

*inhale* *exhale* RANT & RAVE

no i'm not doing yoga. i'm just trying to calm myself down after a rather stressful day.

got back from penang yesterday. the trip was disappointing, to be honest. we didn't get to have our favourite 'or chian' because the hawker stall moved and wasn't open over the weekend. and, i couldn't get my 'tau sar pang' either coz Ghee Hiang sold out!

sold out? SOLD OUT?? how can you sell out at 12pm on a Sunday afternoon? you should bloody know to stock up like mad on a Sunday, especially when it's a school holiday, stupid blithering fools!!

plus, we went to have the famous Sisters char kuey teow on Lorong Selamat. which was really yummy. BUT!! you wouldn't believe how much 5 small plates of char kuey teow cost us. i thought i misunderstood the woman when she stated the amount in hokkien. it came up to RM32!! RM32 for 5 small plates at a hawker stall that's BLOODY HOT, and you have to wait 20 mins for your meal. and, it was the first time i was actually AFRAID to order my char kuey teow. i don't like egg in mine, but i've heard this lady can be pretty tough with picky eaters.

see? i AM chinese. that's my tightass chinese side coming out.

anyway. where was i? ah yes. my stressful day today. i had to rush out some logos today. mid-day, the electricity decides to cut off. hooray for our infrastructure!

never mind that the house was hot like a hen incubating her eggs. never mind that the internet isn't working because the modem is plugged into an electrical socket. but, my laptop battery was about to die.

luckily, the electricity came back on before i started throwing things and screaming at nobody. then, the internet decided not to work. hooray again, for our infrastructure. specifically, STREAM-fuckin-YX.

it was my stepmum's birthday, so we had dinner at Souled Out. i thought it was going to be a quick dinner with my family and i could get back and finish up my logos. until i realised, my aunties were coming and my dad had brought wine with him. that means, long dinner, long chatting and long drinking session.

not only did i have to finish up my logos. i also had to figure out where to get internet access to email my work over. forget starbucks. their internet is as reliable as a government worker.

but somehow, luck once again came to my rescue and the internet was up and running just when i had to email my stuff off. hoorah!

time to go chill out and finish reading Angels & Demons. toodles!

current obsession

this is currently my favourite song. two words to describe it - fucking beautiful.

have a listen and feel the awe. can't wait for the track to come out. i'd buy it (if i haven't listened to it over and over til i wanna puke by then).

kuli factory girl

the madness is at its peak now. i'm talking about our fashion show for Stylo KL. one and a half weeks to go and we're still sending out invitations!

in fact, i just received our invitation cards (specially for BritishIndia guests) from the printer this evening. and i've just spent two hours folding the covers provided by Stylo KL for the invites. and i only managed to fold 40! 80 more to go... i think i shall have to recruit alvin to be my kuli tonight.

i thought i'd rush back and play a lil Texas Hold'em on FB. but i can't log in! argh! i'm so addicted to it at the moment.

anyway, su & i will be buying our stuff this weekend for our pet project - Threadbarn. i'm so excited. can't wait to launch the site next week!

ok. off for dinner now.

update: alive and kicking

back from yet another hiatus.



i've been wanting to post up pics from CNY. but i figure it's kind of pointless since it's all up on FB anyway. =p yes, i'm just lazy.

plenty has happened in the last month. as of may, i will (be attempting to) freelance full-time. so, if you need someone to design something for you, or hear of anyone needing some work done, do let me know. feed a starving designer.

and unlike many designers who harp on about being broke and starving, i assure you, i will be one of the few that really mean it.

i've been busy preparing for the fashion show alongside with designs for the upcoming presentation for the next collection. it all sounds exciting, and i just wish it was as exciting as it sounds.
________

meanwhile, su and i have started working on a small side project which will hopefully be launched next month!! we're super excited about it. so, do give us some support yea? =)
________

alvin recently sprained his neck and is now walking around like Frankenstein in a neck brace. so not a sexy look, guys.

moral of the story = futsal is the main cause of most injuries. a doctor even said his business has improved since futsal became popular.
________

mili and i are now planning a beach getaway sometime in may/june. i am seriously in need of one. i haven't been to a beach since krabi in feb last year!
________

ok. i know this post lacked any soul or entertainment value whatsoever. just a quick update. =p

fancy some keratin for breakfast?

while getting ready to go to work this morning, i got a call from PowderQueenBryan asking whether i wanted nasi lemak.

i haven't had much nasi lemak since i banned myself from it, so i was looking forward to the lovely spicy sambal and fragrant rice.

when i opened the packet, the first thing that caught my eye was a tiny length of hair - probably an eyelash - which i figured i could safely ignore. then i stuck my spoon in and noticed something else... a long strand of hair entangled in the rice!

so i got both eyelash AND hair! man... whoever was packing it must be having hair loss problem or something. i was quite put off the nasi lemak by then and decided to skip it.

sigh. there went my breakfast. i really didn't fancy having keratin for breakfast.

for all you know, the person could have lice!
or hadn't washed their hair in a week.
or had been sweating all morning while cooking the nasi lemak and the sweat covered strand of hair fell in.

katherine added in
"maybe you got some cibai hair in there too!"

yuck.

hello, oh nine!

every new year, we receive the usual greeting smses like

"happy new year! may luck & happiness be with you and your family in year 2009!"
"happy new year to you and your family. may 2009 be a blessed and fruitful year."
"a new year.
a new start.
a new chapter.
a new beginning.
forget the bad.
cherish the good.
i wish u a happy new year."

i usually don't bother replying these mass generic smses. there's just been an overkill of generic smses that it just doesn't mean a thing to me anymore.

that was, until i read this sms which was sent to alvin. it's something different to the rest, it made me laugh.
"may you be as handsome as your mother thinks, as rich as your child believes, and may you have as many women as your wife suspects! i wish that you may have the courage of David, the meekness of Joseph, the faithfulness of Moses, the obedience of Abraham, the wisdom of Solomon and the penis of Goliath!"

if i were to send it out to women, it'd go something more like this:
"may you be as skinny as you think, as beautiful as your lover believes, and may you have as many handbags as your husband suspects! i wish that you may have the wealth of Oprah Winfrey, the lips of Angelina Jolie, the body of Jessica Alba, the wit of Natalie Portman, the wardrobe of SJP and if you do, stay the hell away from me and my boyfriend! enjoy 2009, bitch!"

the token reflection

i can't believe christmas is over already and tomorrow is new year's eve! i get this feeling that the days are getting shorter and none of those astrological scientists watchama-call-its realise it yet.

so. what have i done in 2008? not a whole lot unfortunately. it was a fairly placid, and not to mention, very broke year for me.

2008 summary:

1. went to krabi, bangkok, cameron highlands, penang, melaka & singapore
2. jumped industries from advertising to fashion
3. lived through most of the year without a functional computer
4. swapped from a PC to my Macbook Pro
5. learnt to play gin rummy mahjong
6. freeloaded and went for MTV Asia Awards, X Live & Panic at the Disco
7. cut my hair short after 9 years of long hair
8. i voted!
9. finally started to drive in malaysia!
   

things i wanted to achieve in 2008 but didn't:

1. start saving money (this always tops the list every year)
2. earn more moolah
3. make more handmade stuff - jewellery, cards, scrapbook, etc.
4. improve my sense of direction (that's a lost cause!)
5. travel travel travel (broke broke broke)
6. experience the big 'O'
7. start kickboxing again (michael's given up all hope on that)
   

things i want to achieve in two-oh-oh-nine:

1. save money!! (haha)
2. earn more money
3. re-learn web design
   
4. take up pole dancing
5. experience the big 'O' (i'm going to die not knowing what it's all about!)
6. travel travel travel
7. do more creative stuff

it's a little depressing to think that i may be the only one who doesn't have any plans for new year's eve. hopefully a miracle will present itself soon and save the day.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

celebrating the female form

i really want to try pole dancing. and this video is especially inspiring. the amount of strength you need to execute all these moves and still look sensual, i cannot begin to imagine.

you know the pussycat dolls doing the pole dance in the train? well that is NOTHING compared to this!

out of whack

warning: a lot bitching and whining in this post

just a few weeks ago i was hit by the flu. and then bronchitis.

yesterday was a really weird day. i started feeling nauseous. and then i vomitted out a ball of milo and water (i hadn't eaten breakfast). i say a ball, because that's literally what it felt like. it all came out in a liquid ball.

i had a really weird experience in the toilet too. which, i won't write here.

then i started aching all over. shivering. the fever hit. i had to wrap myself in my trustee blanket in the office. and hide my face under the blanket at times. i must've looked like a kid pretending to be in a tent. my colleagues were laughing at me. but that's nothing new.

got home and passed out from 6.30pm. 

now i'm hungry and can't keep my food down. probably coz i pretty much didn't eat anything yesterday.

my prescription to myself?

a holiday is much needed.

birthdays everywhere

blame valentine's day for the numerous birthdays scattered all over the end of november through to december. our parents obviously got busy banging.

hence, i blame valentine's day for the copious amounts of cake i've eaten in the last three weeks. i've had it up to my ears in cake!!

chocolate cake. butter cake. sponge cake. cheesecake.

being 25 means i'm fast approaching the 30 year old mark i have set for myself to achieve certain things. and... by the looks of it, i feel like i might not meet those goals.

my godmother asked me the other day at lunch

'how old are you now? 23?"
-_- "no. i'm 25!"
"oh shit!"
*wince* "yeah, oh shit indeed. thanks for making me feel better."

godmother P is synonymous with great food and style

more than twice my age and she stills glows like a virgin... and i don't think it's just because of La Mer.

my godsis Eda & Sam

a very pleasant surprise with compliments from The C. Club

i've got my bottom covered

my mother is back in town.

alvin and i went to pick her and paul up from KLIA and brought them out for supper. in the car she handed me two plastic bags of things i had requested for from australia - bonds underwear and jewellery supplies.

"are fifteen undies enough for you?"
"FIFTEEN?!?! why did you buy so many?"
"well... you sounded desperate!"

-_- that's my mother for you.

40 days summarised

okay, it's time to end my hiatus.

it's been a fairly eventful month and a half.

- went to bangkok with cam & soon wei. was supposed to blog about it, but i kept putting it off until the hype died.
- MTV Asia Awards in Genting.
- weekend epicurean trip to penang

and i just spent the weekend sewing outfits for dolls with jen whilst watching SATC. could this be a preview to our future? two old women sitting around, listening to fictional characters discussing their sex lives and sewing outfits for dolls.

oh. plus my 14 cats.

yikes. scary thought.