the sum of men and alcohol

maths has never been my forte, as most would know. however, i am fairly certain this is one equation i  can formulate.

men + alcohol = horny and stupid

this makes a very dangerous combination, indeed. especially when they claim loss of memory and ignorance. who's to say they have not been out traipsing around with night tramps, only to conveniently forget?

i had a friend who was told by The Tramp's best friend, that her beau had made-out with said tramp. he insisted he had done no such thing. so confident was he, that he called up The Tramp and put her on speakerphone to clarify the situation. unfortunately for him, The Tramp merely confirmed that in his drunken state, they did in fact, make-out. true story.

my argument is, sure you can claim memory loss. with the amount of alcohol you stupidly consume, there's bound to be some brain damage going on. however, no amount of arguing could possibly justify your actions for this one fact: even in your drunken stupor, you know exactly what your doing.

so don't you say, "if i can't remember, it doesn't count." it sure as hell does, buddy, because we'll remember for the rest of our waking lives, and we'll make sure you don't forget it either.

someone once said to me, the reason why he drinks til he's wasted in his girlfriend's absence, was to ensure he went past the stage of 'tipsy & horny', straight to 'i-can't-get-it-up-even-if-i-wanted-to'. on some strange level, that is somewhat endearing. unfortunately, that won't stop you from tongue raping a willing volunteer should the opportunity arise.

they say a drunk man is an honest man. they forget to mention, they also become prone to acts of stupidity like say, urinating on post boxes in broad daylight. it seemed like a great idea at the time, until they got arrested. again, this is a true story. i have great friends.

put that stupidity with the horny factor in their intoxicated state, and you get men using their penises as a GPS. and trust me, this GPS isn't leading the way back home. lesson to be learned? nothing good comes out of being stupid and horny. so drink less, wank more.

if only maths in school was this interesting. i would have paid a lot more attention.