Why is it that it's acceptable to publicly display anger, hate, disappointment, dissent, and other similar emotions, yet some find it inappropriate to publicly display love? Correction: romantic love. And when I say publicly declare, in this context, I mean your choice of social media weapons; Facebook, Twitter, Bebo, MySpace, Friendster (is that still going?), you get the picture.
It's cute to publicly declare love for your niece / nephew / godson / goddaughter / little cousin / any other being who doesn't yet know what a penis can really do.
It's heartwarming to publicly declare love for your grandparents / parents / aunts / uncles / other family members who will fill up the seats at your wedding, regardless of whether you want them there or not.
It's sweet to publicly declare love for your immediate family and close friends.
It's nauseating to publicly declare love for your other half. The exception here is if you just got engaged, married or are speaking at your wedding itself.
Is romantic love something we should all hide, like underwear, only to be revealed behind closed doors? Is love purer if kept between two people, undiluted by the perception of others? I certainly don't think so. Perhaps, it is because it makes others feel excluded, that they cannot or should not comment on your declaration of love. Hence, it's deemed an anti-social action in social media. I'm just trying to dissect the possibilities here.
The hidden romantic in me believes that love is something that should be celebrated, and if you are lucky enough to have found it, then hell, why not shout about it? You gloat shamelessly when your team puts a ball in the net. So why not gloat shamelessly about your happiness?
Because before you found this happiness, you bet your ass you went through a lot of shit to get there. The heartbreaks, tears, unsent letters you wrote but didn't have the guts to send, the jealousy, the developments of stalking skills equivalent of a PI, the bi-polar moments of "I hate you, fucktard!" to "Why did you leave me?", the "Let's just be friends. It's not you, it's me. No, wait. It's you, not me. Haha." Okay, I'm going off tangent here. That didn't really happen. I'm just sayin'...
So why do we sometimes feel the impulse to publish love notes on Facebook? It's simple.
When a guy does it, to put it simply, he's saying, "I want the world to know I am yours and I don't mind other women knowing."
When a girl does it, to put it simply, she's saying, "I want the world to know you are mine, and mine only. Stay away bitches."
Okay. So maybe all that 'let's celebrate love' was just bullshit. No, but seriously. It's just another way to make your other half feel appreciated and loved, and being claimed under their 'territory' is like a signboard that says, "You belong here." And that's why we search the world over for that perfect partner, no? That sense of belonging, with the person we can look at and feel like you're home.
Showing posts with label emo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emo. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Trust No One
Not even yourself.
Trust. A simple word. A simple concept. And yet, possibly the most complex moral code.
To be continued...
Trust. A simple word. A simple concept. And yet, possibly the most complex moral code.
To be continued...
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
*inhale* *exhale* RANT & RAVE
no i'm not doing yoga. i'm just trying to calm myself down after a rather stressful day.
got back from penang yesterday. the trip was disappointing, to be honest. we didn't get to have our favourite 'or chian' because the hawker stall moved and wasn't open over the weekend. and, i couldn't get my 'tau sar pang' either coz Ghee Hiang sold out!
sold out? SOLD OUT?? how can you sell out at 12pm on a Sunday afternoon? you should bloody know to stock up like mad on a Sunday, especially when it's a school holiday, stupid blithering fools!!
plus, we went to have the famous Sisters char kuey teow on Lorong Selamat. which was really yummy. BUT!! you wouldn't believe how much 5 small plates of char kuey teow cost us. i thought i misunderstood the woman when she stated the amount in hokkien. it came up to RM32!! RM32 for 5 small plates at a hawker stall that's BLOODY HOT, and you have to wait 20 mins for your meal. and, it was the first time i was actually AFRAID to order my char kuey teow. i don't like egg in mine, but i've heard this lady can be pretty tough with picky eaters.
see? i AM chinese. that's my tightass chinese side coming out.
anyway. where was i? ah yes. my stressful day today. i had to rush out some logos today. mid-day, the electricity decides to cut off. hooray for our infrastructure!
never mind that the house was hot like a hen incubating her eggs. never mind that the internet isn't working because the modem is plugged into an electrical socket. but, my laptop battery was about to die.
luckily, the electricity came back on before i started throwing things and screaming at nobody. then, the internet decided not to work. hooray again, for our infrastructure. specifically, STREAM-fuckin-YX.
it was my stepmum's birthday, so we had dinner at Souled Out. i thought it was going to be a quick dinner with my family and i could get back and finish up my logos. until i realised, my aunties were coming and my dad had brought wine with him. that means, long dinner, long chatting and long drinking session.
not only did i have to finish up my logos. i also had to figure out where to get internet access to email my work over. forget starbucks. their internet is as reliable as a government worker.
but somehow, luck once again came to my rescue and the internet was up and running just when i had to email my stuff off. hoorah!
time to go chill out and finish reading Angels & Demons. toodles!
got back from penang yesterday. the trip was disappointing, to be honest. we didn't get to have our favourite 'or chian' because the hawker stall moved and wasn't open over the weekend. and, i couldn't get my 'tau sar pang' either coz Ghee Hiang sold out!
sold out? SOLD OUT?? how can you sell out at 12pm on a Sunday afternoon? you should bloody know to stock up like mad on a Sunday, especially when it's a school holiday, stupid blithering fools!!
plus, we went to have the famous Sisters char kuey teow on Lorong Selamat. which was really yummy. BUT!! you wouldn't believe how much 5 small plates of char kuey teow cost us. i thought i misunderstood the woman when she stated the amount in hokkien. it came up to RM32!! RM32 for 5 small plates at a hawker stall that's BLOODY HOT, and you have to wait 20 mins for your meal. and, it was the first time i was actually AFRAID to order my char kuey teow. i don't like egg in mine, but i've heard this lady can be pretty tough with picky eaters.
see? i AM chinese. that's my tightass chinese side coming out.
anyway. where was i? ah yes. my stressful day today. i had to rush out some logos today. mid-day, the electricity decides to cut off. hooray for our infrastructure!
never mind that the house was hot like a hen incubating her eggs. never mind that the internet isn't working because the modem is plugged into an electrical socket. but, my laptop battery was about to die.
luckily, the electricity came back on before i started throwing things and screaming at nobody. then, the internet decided not to work. hooray again, for our infrastructure. specifically, STREAM-fuckin-YX.
it was my stepmum's birthday, so we had dinner at Souled Out. i thought it was going to be a quick dinner with my family and i could get back and finish up my logos. until i realised, my aunties were coming and my dad had brought wine with him. that means, long dinner, long chatting and long drinking session.
not only did i have to finish up my logos. i also had to figure out where to get internet access to email my work over. forget starbucks. their internet is as reliable as a government worker.
but somehow, luck once again came to my rescue and the internet was up and running just when i had to email my stuff off. hoorah!
time to go chill out and finish reading Angels & Demons. toodles!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
kitty trauma
i had a craving for the pan mee at Restaurant Okay in SS2 (the other end of kayu nasi kandar). so alvin and i got dressed and jumped in the car.
as soon as he started the engine, i heard a loud meow. i thought it was just a cat outside the house. then i heard more meowing.
meow! meow! meow!
it sounded extremely close by. i immediately panicked.
"babe! turn off the engine and pop open the hood!!"
my first thought was to check the engine. a lot of people don't know this, but cats have a tendency to climb into your car engine and hide there because of the warmth.
i searched and searched while the kitten continued to meow rather loudly. alvin yelled out while pointing towards the tyre.
"here!!"
confused, i looked at the tyre and looked at him. he pointed again. this time to the space in between the car body and the tyre. the poor little kitten was curled up in the suspension coil just above the tyre!!
i think alvin's dogs' barking scared the shit out of the poor little thing and it must've just decided to hide in there. i mean, if you're a kitten, three madly barking dogs are enough to scare the shit out of you. i think it was only about 1 month old.
alvin changed into his singlet and got to jacking the car up. after a few attempts, i finally managed to get it out from within the coil. then i realised....
i had NO idea what to do with it!
"just put it out on the grass outside," alvin said. meanwhile his mum came out, and they started talking about buying numbers. -_- damn chinese.
i took the kitten away from the barking dogs, and it struggled so i put it down on the grass by the drain. the kitten immediately jumped into the drain and i was thinking,
"oh for fuck sake. it's going to be stuck in the drain and not be able to get out now."
and i was right. the kitten had no idea what to do. there was no way for it to climb out because it was just too tiny. i looked to alvin for help. but he was still busy debating with his mum about what number to buy. i was getting angrier and more frustrated by the second and finally snapped.
"can you two stop talking about buying numbers for a second??!!"
angry bangry lisha. rare occassion.
alvin came over and looked at the kitten in dismay. if he had said anything about cats being stupid right then, i think i would've slapped him. but luckily he didn't. he just stood there and looked at me.
"err..."
"you want me to get it out of the drain, is it?"
"err. yea. i don't really know how to handle cats."
he can be my hero when it comes to cockroaches and moths. but, i guess he can't always be a hero eh?
well, i wasn't about to climb in the drain in my outfit (call me shallow/vain/watever... i was being practical!), so i changed into shorts and a t-shirt and got down and dirty. after picking the kitten up, i was again faced with the predicament of deciding what to do with it.
i decided to bring it to the alley behind the house since i always see cats there. i figured the kitten must've lost its mother so, chances are the mother would be somewhere around. two guys were fixing some stuff in the alley and looked at me carrying this ragged little kitten around like a possessed woman. i had worry written all over my face.
i put the kitten down near two cats and waited to see if they would be friendly or hostile. looking at the colour of the cats, i already knew it was not going to end well. the kitten walked towards one of the cats. he (i think it was a he) inched slowly towards the kitten, back arched and tail flicking. immediately, i picked the kitten up.
i was NOT about to leave it to be bullied by the other cats. the idea of bringing it to SPCA crossed my mind, but i was afraid that if it took it in and no one adopted it, they would put it to sleep. thinking back now, i should have brought it to SPCA. people are more inclined to adopt young kittens.
instead, i panicked and quickly walked to another row of houses looking for somewhere else to put it where it could hide safely and hopefully find its mother. as we headed towards the park, the kitten struggled and i put it down with a bit of bread.
stupid, stupid thing to do! it ran into the garden of someone's house. i could only hope there were no dogs there and the owners would take the kitten in or do what i hadn't done - take it to SPCA.
here i am DYING to have my own kitten and i couldn't keep this one. i wish i had done more for it. instead of saving the kitten, i may have just killed it.
it could be attacked by dogs.
or larger cats.
it could starve.
or get caught in the rain, fall sick and die.
it could get run over by fucking maniac malaysian drivers.
or it could get trapped again somewhere, with no one to save it.
i couldn't stop crying for about 45 mins after that. they say why cry over spilt milk, right? well... that was the only thing i could do.
if only i could have kept it.
as soon as he started the engine, i heard a loud meow. i thought it was just a cat outside the house. then i heard more meowing.
meow! meow! meow!
it sounded extremely close by. i immediately panicked.
"babe! turn off the engine and pop open the hood!!"
my first thought was to check the engine. a lot of people don't know this, but cats have a tendency to climb into your car engine and hide there because of the warmth.
i searched and searched while the kitten continued to meow rather loudly. alvin yelled out while pointing towards the tyre.
"here!!"
confused, i looked at the tyre and looked at him. he pointed again. this time to the space in between the car body and the tyre. the poor little kitten was curled up in the suspension coil just above the tyre!!
i think alvin's dogs' barking scared the shit out of the poor little thing and it must've just decided to hide in there. i mean, if you're a kitten, three madly barking dogs are enough to scare the shit out of you. i think it was only about 1 month old.
alvin changed into his singlet and got to jacking the car up. after a few attempts, i finally managed to get it out from within the coil. then i realised....
i had NO idea what to do with it!
"just put it out on the grass outside," alvin said. meanwhile his mum came out, and they started talking about buying numbers. -_- damn chinese.
i took the kitten away from the barking dogs, and it struggled so i put it down on the grass by the drain. the kitten immediately jumped into the drain and i was thinking,
"oh for fuck sake. it's going to be stuck in the drain and not be able to get out now."
and i was right. the kitten had no idea what to do. there was no way for it to climb out because it was just too tiny. i looked to alvin for help. but he was still busy debating with his mum about what number to buy. i was getting angrier and more frustrated by the second and finally snapped.
"can you two stop talking about buying numbers for a second??!!"
angry bangry lisha. rare occassion.
alvin came over and looked at the kitten in dismay. if he had said anything about cats being stupid right then, i think i would've slapped him. but luckily he didn't. he just stood there and looked at me.
"err..."
"you want me to get it out of the drain, is it?"
"err. yea. i don't really know how to handle cats."
he can be my hero when it comes to cockroaches and moths. but, i guess he can't always be a hero eh?
well, i wasn't about to climb in the drain in my outfit (call me shallow/vain/watever... i was being practical!), so i changed into shorts and a t-shirt and got down and dirty. after picking the kitten up, i was again faced with the predicament of deciding what to do with it.
i decided to bring it to the alley behind the house since i always see cats there. i figured the kitten must've lost its mother so, chances are the mother would be somewhere around. two guys were fixing some stuff in the alley and looked at me carrying this ragged little kitten around like a possessed woman. i had worry written all over my face.
i put the kitten down near two cats and waited to see if they would be friendly or hostile. looking at the colour of the cats, i already knew it was not going to end well. the kitten walked towards one of the cats. he (i think it was a he) inched slowly towards the kitten, back arched and tail flicking. immediately, i picked the kitten up.
i was NOT about to leave it to be bullied by the other cats. the idea of bringing it to SPCA crossed my mind, but i was afraid that if it took it in and no one adopted it, they would put it to sleep. thinking back now, i should have brought it to SPCA. people are more inclined to adopt young kittens.
instead, i panicked and quickly walked to another row of houses looking for somewhere else to put it where it could hide safely and hopefully find its mother. as we headed towards the park, the kitten struggled and i put it down with a bit of bread.
stupid, stupid thing to do! it ran into the garden of someone's house. i could only hope there were no dogs there and the owners would take the kitten in or do what i hadn't done - take it to SPCA.
here i am DYING to have my own kitten and i couldn't keep this one. i wish i had done more for it. instead of saving the kitten, i may have just killed it.
it could be attacked by dogs.
or larger cats.
it could starve.
or get caught in the rain, fall sick and die.
it could get run over by fucking maniac malaysian drivers.
or it could get trapped again somewhere, with no one to save it.
i couldn't stop crying for about 45 mins after that. they say why cry over spilt milk, right? well... that was the only thing i could do.
if only i could have kept it.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
stormy weather up ahead
life is full of surprises. people are full of surprises.
sometimes, i think these surprises are meant to keep you on your toes. to remind you not to take things for granted. put a little threat to a perfectly stable situation and suddenly everyone realises, nothing is as stable as they think.
the person i have always looked up to, for all his values and principles, surprised me. it made me realise, no one is immune to temptations in life. and no one truly knows what they are capable of.
one wrong turn can affect so many people's lives. the storm is now brewing.
pic from arwensgrace
it saddens me to think that the one stable part of my very unstable life, could now vanish. then, i will regret not having spent more time with them.
please don't ask me what i am referring to. i am not at liberty to disclose anything. i am purely putting down my thoughts and emotions here.
remember. sometimes, love is not enough.
sometimes, i think these surprises are meant to keep you on your toes. to remind you not to take things for granted. put a little threat to a perfectly stable situation and suddenly everyone realises, nothing is as stable as they think.
the person i have always looked up to, for all his values and principles, surprised me. it made me realise, no one is immune to temptations in life. and no one truly knows what they are capable of.
one wrong turn can affect so many people's lives. the storm is now brewing.
pic from arwensgrace
it saddens me to think that the one stable part of my very unstable life, could now vanish. then, i will regret not having spent more time with them.
please don't ask me what i am referring to. i am not at liberty to disclose anything. i am purely putting down my thoughts and emotions here.
remember. sometimes, love is not enough.
Monday, July 7, 2008
what happens now?
"do you really know the person you're sleeping with?" carrie bradshaw posed this question.
what happens when the person you thought you knew inside out, suddenly shows a side of them that makes you take a step back and realise, you don't know them as well as you thought?
what happens when the person you've been building your dreams/future with, becomes the person who tears them apart?
what happens when you realise this person has become your best friend, confidante, your entire world, and you have no one else to turn to? your friends are his friends. your home is his home. your safe place is him.
what happens when you realise you have crossed way over your side and you've lost your way back? it becomes a one-sided relationship.
so what happens when doubt begins to eat inside of you and you wonder if you've given up far too much to let go now, and yet, you wonder if you should?
and yet, all he can do is get angry when you raise your issue.
so what happens now?
you repress your emotions and stay. because if you leave, you know he won't hurt as much as you will.
what happens when the person you thought you knew inside out, suddenly shows a side of them that makes you take a step back and realise, you don't know them as well as you thought?
what happens when the person you've been building your dreams/future with, becomes the person who tears them apart?
what happens when you realise this person has become your best friend, confidante, your entire world, and you have no one else to turn to? your friends are his friends. your home is his home. your safe place is him.
what happens when you realise you have crossed way over your side and you've lost your way back? it becomes a one-sided relationship.
so what happens when doubt begins to eat inside of you and you wonder if you've given up far too much to let go now, and yet, you wonder if you should?
and yet, all he can do is get angry when you raise your issue.
so what happens now?
you repress your emotions and stay. because if you leave, you know he won't hurt as much as you will.
Friday, June 20, 2008
oh, rubbish.
my laptop was sent in to be diagnosed and the outcome was somewhat, heartbreaking.
it was not, as i had hoped, a fault of the hard disk but possibly the motherboard gone haywire. which means i would have to fork out about rm1000+ to get it repaired!!
i am well pissed off with myself & toshiba. absolutely pissed. i thought i'd spend a bit more on a laptop so it would last longer and not become obsolete as quick, but nooOOOooo. just under two years and it's decided to retire.
urgh. should've just bought a dell for half the price. so now what? i'm going to get a second opinion before deciding on whether to repair it or just tighten my belt and get myself a macbook instead.
___________________
that's not all the bad news. my grandmother has been admitted into hospital for pneumonia. according to my uncle, she's okay. so that's a relief.
am now twiddling my thumbs waiting for alvin to get back from work so we can go visit her. i may be driving now, but that doesn't mean i automatically have GPS installed in my head, yo. and we all know how FANTASTIC my sense of direction is.
*ahem* shaddup.
___________________
urbanscapes is happening next weekend. i'm hoping to get free tix if i can. sounds like it'll be quite the happenings.
it was not, as i had hoped, a fault of the hard disk but possibly the motherboard gone haywire. which means i would have to fork out about rm1000+ to get it repaired!!
i am well pissed off with myself & toshiba. absolutely pissed. i thought i'd spend a bit more on a laptop so it would last longer and not become obsolete as quick, but nooOOOooo. just under two years and it's decided to retire.
urgh. should've just bought a dell for half the price. so now what? i'm going to get a second opinion before deciding on whether to repair it or just tighten my belt and get myself a macbook instead.
___________________
that's not all the bad news. my grandmother has been admitted into hospital for pneumonia. according to my uncle, she's okay. so that's a relief.
am now twiddling my thumbs waiting for alvin to get back from work so we can go visit her. i may be driving now, but that doesn't mean i automatically have GPS installed in my head, yo. and we all know how FANTASTIC my sense of direction is.
*ahem* shaddup.
___________________
urbanscapes is happening next weekend. i'm hoping to get free tix if i can. sounds like it'll be quite the happenings.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
dead romance & design wonders
why do i feel like we're drifting apart although everything is still the same?
perhaps it is because he no longer has 'that look' as often as he used to. or is it because of the lack of cuddles that used to make me feel so appreciated? it could also be the signs of him wanting to be single every now and then. and certainly no more whispers of sweet nothings.
i know, it's almost inevitable for all this to happen as a relationship progresses towards the stale end of the scale, but i don't like it and i refuse to accept it. just like how i refuse to accept that my metabolism is starting to slow down and i need to start exercising.
lesson number one on marriage:
his mum once said to me (in her cute nyonya accent), "marriage is not about love love thing. it is about keeping each other company until you're old. even though we fight everyday about small small things, i know he is a good person."
but the thing is, i WANT that "love love thing". i want it to be the forever, ever ever (ala outkast) thing. who doesn't?
it is because of this, i don't think i'm very good with keeping long relationships. i refuse to grow stale. i want passion throughout, not obligations. perhaps, i really am going to be an old spinster with 14 cats as someone once told me.
oh joy.
____________________
i love looking at interiors. here's some i drool over.
BATHROOM
BEDROOM
love the colour scheme of this bedroom. contemporary shabby chic with a vintage feel.
here's a reason to never get out of bed. a HD plasma tv embedded into your bed. now all you need is a bell to call for food!
another reason to sleep all day. in your very own rocking bed!! i'm so deep in love with this bed.
simple yet curvy in the right places.
perhaps it is because he no longer has 'that look' as often as he used to. or is it because of the lack of cuddles that used to make me feel so appreciated? it could also be the signs of him wanting to be single every now and then. and certainly no more whispers of sweet nothings.
i know, it's almost inevitable for all this to happen as a relationship progresses towards the stale end of the scale, but i don't like it and i refuse to accept it. just like how i refuse to accept that my metabolism is starting to slow down and i need to start exercising.
lesson number one on marriage:
his mum once said to me (in her cute nyonya accent), "marriage is not about love love thing. it is about keeping each other company until you're old. even though we fight everyday about small small things, i know he is a good person."
but the thing is, i WANT that "love love thing". i want it to be the forever, ever ever (ala outkast) thing. who doesn't?
it is because of this, i don't think i'm very good with keeping long relationships. i refuse to grow stale. i want passion throughout, not obligations. perhaps, i really am going to be an old spinster with 14 cats as someone once told me.
oh joy.
____________________
i love looking at interiors. here's some i drool over.
BATHROOM
BEDROOM
love the colour scheme of this bedroom. contemporary shabby chic with a vintage feel.
here's a reason to never get out of bed. a HD plasma tv embedded into your bed. now all you need is a bell to call for food!
another reason to sleep all day. in your very own rocking bed!! i'm so deep in love with this bed.
simple yet curvy in the right places.
Friday, February 29, 2008
new year, new job, new me
i'm holding my breath in anticipation of her answer.
i asked the design house if they would reconsider their figure. and if they do, i've decided to just take it. i've decided to hold on to the passion while i'm still relatively young.
worse comes to worst, i'll work for Godmother and freelance for them instead. that just means i'll have to stay in this country a lil longer than planned.
___________
i had farewell dinner and drinks with my colleagues last night at J&Rs.
it still feels kinda surreal. i don't think it's quite hit me that i'm actually leaving! i haven't even started packing up my stuff yet.
i told my boss i'd probably come back to the office next week to hang out coz i'll be bored. and i'm really going to miss some of the colleagues i have come to think of as my second family.
i'll definitely miss the lunches full of sexual conversations. and my boss walking around barefoot acting like a hooligan. i'll miss pretending to be pissed off with the servicing people and throwing pseudo tantrums.
but i think the first thing i'll miss is having a cheque to look forward to at the end of the month. hopefully won't be unemployed for too long.
i asked the design house if they would reconsider their figure. and if they do, i've decided to just take it. i've decided to hold on to the passion while i'm still relatively young.
worse comes to worst, i'll work for Godmother and freelance for them instead. that just means i'll have to stay in this country a lil longer than planned.
___________
i had farewell dinner and drinks with my colleagues last night at J&Rs.
it still feels kinda surreal. i don't think it's quite hit me that i'm actually leaving! i haven't even started packing up my stuff yet.
i told my boss i'd probably come back to the office next week to hang out coz i'll be bored. and i'm really going to miss some of the colleagues i have come to think of as my second family.
i'll definitely miss the lunches full of sexual conversations. and my boss walking around barefoot acting like a hooligan. i'll miss pretending to be pissed off with the servicing people and throwing pseudo tantrums.
but i think the first thing i'll miss is having a cheque to look forward to at the end of the month. hopefully won't be unemployed for too long.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
crossroads
i find myself in an unfavourable situation. i've gone on a full ride of emotions - from being pissed to no end, to feeling numb and being unable to care anymore.
and yet, i am unwilling to act upon it simply because it would be rather inconvenient.
part of me wants to stay. but part of me says, there's no point. i am expecting more than i can be given. there is no future here. it is continuing to walk on a road with a dead end, hoping that you are mistaken.
priorities. everyone has a different list. unfortunately, i know i'm not up there on that list.
despite knowing all that, i'm still here. afraid that if i let go, everything else will crumble all around me and i'm just not ready to deal with that.
emo-nya. and i'm not even PMSing.
it's not helping that my stomach is being a bitch and my bowels are threatening to let loose an avalanche. damn steamboat.
u know that feeling where you were pissed off for so many little reasons, and now you can't remember why you're pissed? that's where i am. i'm just over it. tired of being angry and disappointed.
perhaps i shall try and get some sleep.
and yet, i am unwilling to act upon it simply because it would be rather inconvenient.
part of me wants to stay. but part of me says, there's no point. i am expecting more than i can be given. there is no future here. it is continuing to walk on a road with a dead end, hoping that you are mistaken.
priorities. everyone has a different list. unfortunately, i know i'm not up there on that list.
despite knowing all that, i'm still here. afraid that if i let go, everything else will crumble all around me and i'm just not ready to deal with that.
emo-nya. and i'm not even PMSing.
it's not helping that my stomach is being a bitch and my bowels are threatening to let loose an avalanche. damn steamboat.
u know that feeling where you were pissed off for so many little reasons, and now you can't remember why you're pissed? that's where i am. i'm just over it. tired of being angry and disappointed.
perhaps i shall try and get some sleep.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
nineteen fifty seven
yes yes. the third instalment of the bangkok trip is coming.
it's been a super crazy week with non-stop jobs at work. i can't bloody wait til friday!! not because i'm really that patriotic (sadly) but simply because i'm tired and i want a proper weekend!
merdeka. i remember when i would get excited about merdeka. my grandparents would take me to merdeka square to join the masses and watch the fireworks, performances and be part of the parade. my grandfather would carry me around on his shoulders, so i could always see what was going on, even if he got tired.
i have a wave of nostalgia washing over me now as i recall those days. when my mum had left the country and my dad couldn't afford to take care of me. my grandparents were my guardians. my protectors. my surrogate parents.
and so, this merdeka, i will celebrate. not the country's independence, but my grandmother's birthday. and commemorate my grandfather who passed away three years ago.
it's been a super crazy week with non-stop jobs at work. i can't bloody wait til friday!! not because i'm really that patriotic (sadly) but simply because i'm tired and i want a proper weekend!
merdeka. i remember when i would get excited about merdeka. my grandparents would take me to merdeka square to join the masses and watch the fireworks, performances and be part of the parade. my grandfather would carry me around on his shoulders, so i could always see what was going on, even if he got tired.
i have a wave of nostalgia washing over me now as i recall those days. when my mum had left the country and my dad couldn't afford to take care of me. my grandparents were my guardians. my protectors. my surrogate parents.
and so, this merdeka, i will celebrate. not the country's independence, but my grandmother's birthday. and commemorate my grandfather who passed away three years ago.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
awaken the morning grouch
why bother asking someone if everything is alright when you'd rather not talk about it? you ask me what's the problem. i tell you. all you do is keep quiet and i wonder if you're even thinking about what i've said. or do your thoughts simply wander off into the mundane so you can avoid the issue?
even worse. sometimes you just shrug it off and make a joke out of it, hoping it will divert my thoughts so we won't have to face the issue. how mature.
as long as YOU are happy, everything is fine. that's selfish love. you love, to be loved back. you love, to feel good. you love, temporarily. sometimes i think, it's better to have no love than selfish love.
prove me wrong.
even worse. sometimes you just shrug it off and make a joke out of it, hoping it will divert my thoughts so we won't have to face the issue. how mature.
as long as YOU are happy, everything is fine. that's selfish love. you love, to be loved back. you love, to feel good. you love, temporarily. sometimes i think, it's better to have no love than selfish love.
prove me wrong.
Monday, April 2, 2007
in a traffic jam
before i start rambling, i'd just like to say... having a double eyelid is not cool.
yes. i said *a* double eyelid. over a week ago, i had conjunctivitis (again) and my left eye developed a double eyelid. i figured it was due to the swelling of my eye so i've somehow managed to live with it. but the swelling's gone and so has the conjunctivitis.
the double eyelid hasn't. it now looks as if i went under the knife to get double eyelids and ran out halfway. it looks damn retarded.
funny thing is, just before this happened, i really wished i had double eyelids and wondered what i'd look like. now i half-know. it looks retarded. be careful what you wish for.
ok. now for emo ranting.
i've come to the conclusion that life is like a traffic jam. donkey would rather liken life to a rolling ball though.
Karipap... says:
and how do you relate traffic jam to life?
.+. a l y s i a .+. life is like a traffic jam. says:
it can be slow-going. it can be at a standstill where you're stuck with nowhere to go.
.+. a l y s i a .+. life is like a traffic jam. says:
it can be frustrating to no end
.+. a l y s i a .+. life is like a traffic jam. says:
and then the traffic clears and it's all good
.+. a l y s i a .+. life is like a traffic jam. says:
and just when it's all good... you find yourself facing another bloody traffic jam
Karipap... says:
why not life is like a ball rolling along the road... sometimes smooth going, sometimes bumpy, along the way it picks up shit... then you roll and roll and the shit falls off... sometimes roll down valley or up hill..
.+. a l y s i a .+. life is like a traffic jam. says:
how can u roll up a hill??
Karipap... says:
it's a motorized ball smart ass
.+. a l y s i a .+. life is like a traffic jam. says:
-_- oh. right. times have changed
.+. a l y s i a .+. life is like a traffic jam. says:
haha
i maintain it's more like a traffic jam. at least, that's how i feel at the moment.
ever since i've entered the rat race and moved back to this place we call a developing country, i've felt like i'm losing my 'self' - the self that makes me who i am.
bleh. lazy to ramble.
yes. i said *a* double eyelid. over a week ago, i had conjunctivitis (again) and my left eye developed a double eyelid. i figured it was due to the swelling of my eye so i've somehow managed to live with it. but the swelling's gone and so has the conjunctivitis.
the double eyelid hasn't. it now looks as if i went under the knife to get double eyelids and ran out halfway. it looks damn retarded.
funny thing is, just before this happened, i really wished i had double eyelids and wondered what i'd look like. now i half-know. it looks retarded. be careful what you wish for.
ok. now for emo ranting.
i've come to the conclusion that life is like a traffic jam. donkey would rather liken life to a rolling ball though.
Karipap... says:
and how do you relate traffic jam to life?
.+. a l y s i a .+. life is like a traffic jam. says:
it can be slow-going. it can be at a standstill where you're stuck with nowhere to go.
.+. a l y s i a .+. life is like a traffic jam. says:
it can be frustrating to no end
.+. a l y s i a .+. life is like a traffic jam. says:
and then the traffic clears and it's all good
.+. a l y s i a .+. life is like a traffic jam. says:
and just when it's all good... you find yourself facing another bloody traffic jam
Karipap... says:
why not life is like a ball rolling along the road... sometimes smooth going, sometimes bumpy, along the way it picks up shit... then you roll and roll and the shit falls off... sometimes roll down valley or up hill..
.+. a l y s i a .+. life is like a traffic jam. says:
how can u roll up a hill??
Karipap... says:
it's a motorized ball smart ass
.+. a l y s i a .+. life is like a traffic jam. says:
-_- oh. right. times have changed
.+. a l y s i a .+. life is like a traffic jam. says:
haha
i maintain it's more like a traffic jam. at least, that's how i feel at the moment.
ever since i've entered the rat race and moved back to this place we call a developing country, i've felt like i'm losing my 'self' - the self that makes me who i am.
bleh. lazy to ramble.
Friday, January 19, 2007
don't chase me. unless you're ready to catch me.
that is my favourite quote from grey's anatomy because i can totally understand and relate to it. in fact, i can totally relate to meredith's character. daddy issues.
___________
i'm done.
i'm pulling back.
no more reaching out.
i'll be here but we can meet halfway.
i'm so weak it makes me sick.
i hate that i'm so into you.
i hate that i care so much.
but i can't hate you.
___________
i'm done.
i'm pulling back.
no more reaching out.
i'll be here but we can meet halfway.
i'm so weak it makes me sick.
i hate that i'm so into you.
i hate that i care so much.
but i can't hate you.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
couch paralysis
bambi and i have just spent the entire day... and i mean ENTIRE day, watching the second season of grey's anatomy. fourteen hours straight of grey's anatomy.
i never got into it before, but today was the turning point. talk about hedonism.
i have a headache from watching so much tv. my body just can't handle it.
__________
why do we promise never to hurt the person we love? it's an empty promise because you can never guarantee it's a promise you will keep. you may somehow, inadvertently hurt them without knowing it, and there goes your promise out the window.
not meeting their expectations. being less of a person than they thought you were. not making enough or as much effort as you're putting in.
these things cause hurt too - a continuous, dull aching as opposed to the sharp pain you feel when someone cheats on you or dumps your sorry ass.
we forget that.
and so we suffer in silence. because it's just a dull ache that can be suppressed with sufficient distractions.
i never got into it before, but today was the turning point. talk about hedonism.
i have a headache from watching so much tv. my body just can't handle it.
__________
why do we promise never to hurt the person we love? it's an empty promise because you can never guarantee it's a promise you will keep. you may somehow, inadvertently hurt them without knowing it, and there goes your promise out the window.
not meeting their expectations. being less of a person than they thought you were. not making enough or as much effort as you're putting in.
these things cause hurt too - a continuous, dull aching as opposed to the sharp pain you feel when someone cheats on you or dumps your sorry ass.
we forget that.
and so we suffer in silence. because it's just a dull ache that can be suppressed with sufficient distractions.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
the glare of reality
it can be a sudden shock to the system when you realise you've been living in an illusion, caught up in the web of your own desires. then slowly, the illusion melts away, leaving you in the glare of reality.
a glare so bright it hurts.
you try to crawl back into your fantasy world, but no matter how hard you try, it's never the same. the fabric has been torn and can never be repaired.
yet, you still persist to live in that illusion. a temporary happiness to ease the pain and salve your wounds.
actions of a fool. a fool who knows his/her actions will only result in more hurt and damage.
a glare so bright it hurts.
you try to crawl back into your fantasy world, but no matter how hard you try, it's never the same. the fabric has been torn and can never be repaired.
yet, you still persist to live in that illusion. a temporary happiness to ease the pain and salve your wounds.
actions of a fool. a fool who knows his/her actions will only result in more hurt and damage.
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