Sneaky Little Thing

So. Here's the thing I don't get: men sneaking around behind their partner's backs. And I'm not talking about men sneaking around to sleep with other women. Because that's just plain cheating in anyone's books, even if the relationship is as open as Paris Hilton's legs.

I mean things like smoking behind your partner's back, lying about going for a drink with your close friends of the opposite sex (and I'm not talking about 'special friends'), telling her you're going for a 'work function' when you're really going to the strip club with the boys. That kind of sneaking around.

I remember having a conversation with Justin on this topic quite awhile ago. It went something along these lines.

"Why do some men feel that they have to sneak around behind their girlfriends' backs, or lie about something that they've done?"

"Because sometimes, it's better for you not to know. And as much as they say 'honesty is the best policy', you women don't appreciate it when we tell you the truth. We still get into deep shit for it. If a woman told a man about something he had done, he would appreciate her honesty. Women get pissed if you tell them. And they get pissed if you don't. So might as well not tell her."

"Well, would you tell me if you did something?"

"Would you want to know?"

"Of course I would want to know."

"What if you can't handle the truth?"

"Then it's probably something you shouldn't have done in the first place."
"Good point."

I don't think some people realise the simple truth. Sneaking is cheating. If you're hiding something, you're probably hiding it for a reason. You'll probably say, you're protecting her by not telling her, but really, you're just protecting your own balls. Although, in situations like this, I'd say you don't have any, or probably don't deserve to have any.

I'm not saying you should have your balls (I seem to be liking that word today) chained to your woman, unless bondage is your thing. In which case, go all out. But, have enough respect for her to not sneak around behind her back. Aren't relationships about compromise? Of course, when a woman says "Let's compromise", she really means, "It's my way, or you can join the Rascal Flatts on the highway." Jokes aside, if it's something that can't be compromised, then she probably has a good reason for it. Unless she's as reasonable as Naomi Campbell on cocaine, in which case, you should just make your life easier and dump her ass anyway.

If you respect her and care enough about her feelings, whatever it is you're sneaking around for probably isn't worth risking the relationship. So before you embark on your misadventures, just think, is one night of fun worth two weeks of hell? You'd be lucky if it only lasted two weeks, really. The silent treatment, plate-throwing, death stares, abrupt outbursts of emotions, knife-sharpening. And then you wonder why you've got the runs after eating that scrumptious stew she just made for you.

Sure, we women do our fair share of sneaking around. We don't tell you how much we REALLY spent shopping online at Asos. Or that we weren't really just having coffee, but come on, Sass & Bide clearance sale? Hellooooo? See. The difference with our sneaking around is, it just breaks the bank. Not a relationship. Well, unless we max out all your credit cards, and you find that your savings account went from five zeros to one because we just haaaad to have that Hermés Birkin bag. That would break any normal middle-income relationship.

The topic of strip clubs came up in conversation with a couple of girl friends. They said they don't mind their partners going to the strip club. I was surprised and intrigued. I'm selfish like that. My man belongs to me, his eyes belong on me, and his ermm... belongs in me. If I wanted to share, I'd make him a gigolo and take 30%.

So I asked, "How is it that you don't mind your men going to the strip clubs?" They said their men belong to the small minority who don't see the point in it. That's not to say that they don't like it. They're just not that keen on it.

Which got me thinking. It's true. I didn't mind the idea of my exes going to the strip club, because I knew it just wasn't really their thing. One of the girls then quipped, "Actually, that's true. I didn't like my ex going to the strip club because he was the type who liked it."

And I realised, it's not about the strip club, it's about the intentions. Kind of like how you wouldn't mind giving your wife your credit card if you knew she hates shopping, but you wouldn't let her hold it for a second if she was anything like, well, me.

Sadly, I know a few guys who sneak out to the strip club without the knowledge of their partners. Truthfully, I find it grotesquely disrespectful. Not because they're going to the strip club, but because they're doing it with the knowledge that it would upset and hurt their partner. That's basically saying, "You are the sun, the moon, the light of my life, but naked chicks are more important to me than you, my love."

Bottom line. Russell Peter's got the right idea. "Be a man. Do the right thing." If you're sneakin', you're cheatin'.